It's 2:29 AM.

That was me at a party a few weeks ago.
I was really feelin' my outfit, so I needed everyone to know how fly I was.

Today I found out that I got a job in this program I was really hoping for.

It was a process to get in, but I'm here now and I plan to rock the shit out of this job.

I'm the only Black girl there.

I'm sleepy.

My face feels oily.

I feel a spontaneous poem forming.

Yeah...it stems from my heartburn.

My heart...burns.
Part of it is pizza.
The other part is lost love and
leftover lust that has yet to be properly treated.
I find my mind
After hours of searching
I find her wandering
Through my futures and my memories
And there you are.
She's with you.
In your arms and remembering
How that one night felt.
After sweat and passion and fighting back
the urge to whisper in your ear
Oh...my...God...
I love you...
That one night after sweating and passion and orgasmic memorizations of your presence
Those moments when
You held me and kissed me and just barely touched me and
Showed me
love
And the days yet to come
Where you and I begin the revolution
Side by side and
Locked in an embrace of love and passion and a coup d'etat to rock humanity
Back to sanity.
But alas, it is all in my mind
As I find her wandering
Through my futures and my memories
With pieces of my present in her hand.

And now, I am sad.

That girl in the picture (red shirt) is one of my good friends up here in Oshkosh, where I go to school.

Well...the one in the pink was too, but she quit last spring. This year has been strange w/o her.

Anyway...

We live in the same building, two doors away from each other.

She's my only friend up here at the moment, and now I'm without her.

She wants me to keep her friends warm for her until she comes back in the fall, but this shit is currently depressing. Especially since I love her friends so much. It's gonna be pretty hard to hang out w/ them without her.

Oh my.

I guess I'm done lamenting now.

I'll be back later to whine some more though.

Hell to the Naw.

So...

I called home today and shit.

It's dawned on me that there are some SUPER dizzy bitches in the world.

Like...

What the fuck.

Out of control.

15 years old and pregnant and shit.

I can't even verbalize right now.

Way too much going on.

In the morning...

In the morning...

Oh.

And I'm mad my best friend said this guy I have a) known all my life and
b) slept with in the past has slept with some UGLY ass hairy
lookin' Dominican broad.

That is some SHIT.

It's Been Awhile...

I haven't blogged in several months.
I know, I'm slipping.
But I'm back now so...yaaay!

I've shaved my head since the last time I was here, and actually that's about all
that has changed in my life. The semesters changed and the weather
got bad but...nothing else interesting has happened.

Men still don't know how to act and I still limit my company with other people so...yeah.

Oh!
Here's an interesting tidbit!
Today in class, I actually didn't fall asleep and shit.
And my professor actually commented on it.
He said "No dozing (insert government name here)!"
And I said, "I know! I didn't! But...I also had a huge energy drink and a nap today."
Then he said, "Well, if you didn't contribute so positively I'd be a lot harsher on you, but you always have positive input so it's OK."
I laughed, but in general it made me feel good today.

Yay me!

Maybe tomorrow will be mas interesante.

Hmmm...

 Aight I had to get my real blog out of the way to make room for the nothingness.

Right now, my head is empty.

I'm ready for break, and I can't even begin to think straight anymore.  Books make my head hurt.

I'm tired.  I feel sick all the time.  Sometimes my eyes just say "Hell with this!" and lose focus w/ no warning!

I think I feel like writing off the top of the dome...

I sit here staring at this screen
Hours out of my day...
Can't even tell you what I read or wrote or
Anything for that matter
Is my life walking by my window?
Through the grass and around trees and in snow
My life is actually somewhere far beyond
It's not under my window
Or in the grass out there
Not even @ home in my bed having dinner w/ my family
My life died the minute I picked up the first novel of my junior year of college
I had to kill it before it killed me
Academically

Yeesh!

It's been a few days since I've blogged.

It's not like I have a loyal fan base, but I'm just saying.

I guess I blog to myself to help keep my life events in order.  I often forget what day it is.

So the other night I went to see the fathers from Black.White.

The good thing is that I remembered to write down the point that I was so serious about.

So Brian, the Black guy said "I read all the blogs and stuff about the show, and people were saying 'Oh the Black family is just hypersensitive to race.  It's not that bad.'[...]I don't have to look for racism, because it finds me.  Racism knows where I am.[...]
I went to a seafood store down in LA b/c I love seafood.  When I got to the register, the white guy behind the counter looks at me 
and says  'You know we don't take food stamps.'  Now...did I have to look for that or did it just happen?"

Valid point?  I'd say so.

People always accuse the Black community as a whole to being overy sensitive and always
looking for things to come our way, but when we live in a world where people automatically
assume we need assistance to buy our food, are we looking for that?  Are we looking for some
of this discrimination on jobs and in communities when it comes to buying homes?  

This shit happens on the daily.

It's 100% real.
 

It's too late to be blogging...

I'm tired as all get out.

I meant to do this earlier, but school trumps blogging.

Anyway, today was interesting.

I had one class, and I was late.

My prof was like "OK..this time you're a little too late." 
(insert stern face here)

The unfortunate part was that 
I don't know if I could have cared less.

Anyway, other than that mess, I saw the two fathers 
from that FX show Black.White.

Great presentation.

I was really torn between that and staying in to watch House, but 
the speakers beat Hugh Laurie. 

The Black father made some good points which I'm going to
scribble down right now before I forget them, and blog about them when I can type and not have to fix shit constantly.

Errrmmmm...

I think that may be it for now.

I'm kinda mad that my sleeves on this waffle print hooded henley are short for no reason.  
I bought 5 or 6 of these things and only one of them did this.  Talk about annoying!

Oh!  On the up side, my late night ramblings have allowed me to be awake
for the highlight of my evening!  A tag on my Paxed page from my favorite intellectual, Jay_20782.

It' s funny...as soon as I saw that tag I perked right up.

I'm too damn old to be boy crazy.  Ha!