Sometimes...

He came to see me at work today.

I wasn't there.

He was five minutes early.

I miss him. Just saw him yesterday. Big difference between seeing and seeing though.

I need some of those kisses.

When he does stuff like that, I wanna drop the "L" word.

At the end of every day when I text him goodnight, I want to say "Good night baby. I **** you. Sweet dreams."

And in the morning, when I wish him a beautiful day: Good morning snugglemuffin. Have a great day. I **** you. Kiss the kids for me.

All that.

Sometimes.

Other times I snap out of my non-reality before the clouds cover my dream world. I know I can't say it. The best I can do is offer first to cook for him, second to bring something. If he's not hungry, I offer my presence and my kisses that he's come to expect.

But I can't say the realest thing on my mind.

Donny Hathaway can. And Stevie can. But C. Noelle is at a loss for words.

What if I do say it and he didn't even expect it (even after six months) and it freaks him out and he won't answer my calls? Then what?

Then nothing.

And nothing hurts.

Sometimes.
C. Noelle