My life, the mess.

Last night I mentioned some mess in my life, but I honestly don't want to talk about it anymore.

I'll shorten it I think.


My ex is buggin' out majorly. He had the nerve to tell me that I don't know what love and friendship are because I won't take care of him anymore.

First he was trying to snap on me and cuss and accuse me of...all sorts of shit. Just throwing a tantrum whenever he could.

Then he asked me to still blow him.

Mind you, he has a girlfriend. I told him that was off the table and not under the umbrella of "I'd do what I could for you."

I said "I'll give you a ride. I'll run an errand. I won't take care of your basic every day needs. That is no longer my responsibility."

I'm spoiled, but that sense of entitlement shit is something I won't ever understand. I need to figure out what my father did to keep it from growing in me. Maybe because he had no fear about punishing me when I fucked up. There were plenty of times when I went without as a child. I actually started working when I was twelve or thirteen and had my first legal job at 14.

I have no confusion about how to get what I want, I've just been fortunate enough to have people in my life that sowed into my life and will do for me. I never expect that treatment. As much as I appreciate my father, I know he doesn't have to do what he does for me.

But some people don't get that shit.

While all of this mess is going on, this other gentleman (which he really is) is all over my interwebs and BlackBerry just wooing my heart away.

We've been talking for a long time, and the whole time we have flirted and joked about all sorts of things. But all of a sudden it took a strong turn for the serious.

And it's fun. It feels ok. It feels...good.

And it's making me happy.

AND while I'm dealing with all of that, I start to rebound HARD.

I start checking old traps.

Which was...not my best idea.

Homeboy and I used to have amaaaazing sex. So amazing that he would text and call me several times a year after I told him to go jump in the lake three years ago.

Turns out he's a personal trainer now, which is pretty good for me.

Except that he's sweating me to damn DEATH. Constant texts and calls and "watchu doin" and all that shit. I'm like...I appreciate it, but get a life ASAP.

I thought I was sweating my sugar dumpling too hard but he saaaaid he liked my morning texts.

Plus dude was big before and he got skinny. I really...only liked his size and his oral abilities anyway. Since he's not big, the allure is gone.

Rebound thoughts in action, getting me into trouble.

Plus one of my best friends told me I'm gorgeous the other day, and then I got all flirtatious and told him I think he's cute too. Which I do. I think he's soooo fly.

And I knew this might happen, so I started to tell him "Please spurn my advances for the next three weeks!" but I didn't. Not to mention that he actually started it. I didn't.

Since I didn't start it, I think it might me ok to let it play out and just see. When we saw each other the other night, it wasn't the usual "Oh hai!" gaze, it was the "Oh...hey..." gaze. Then he didn't go for the handshake. He went for the hug. And the hug was extra tight. And I let my hand linger.

My interest is piqued at this point.

And now y'all know about my messy life.

Mess and foolishness.

And fun.