I am sitting on my bed wide awake. Not because I can't sleep. I am tired. I will work about twelve hours tomorrow. I should be getting into bed.
But my mind, being itself, is going.
I am very tired.
I feel like everything in the world is on my shoulders and it will soon prove overwhelming.
I would really like to just...quit.
I'm ready to just give up.
I don't know exactly what that entails, but I would very much like to try.
I have too many things to do. Too much responsibility. I'm tired of wearing my big girl pants all the damn time.
If this could just be...six months ago.
I am going through a very long period of transition. I am tired of evolution. I want things to just...stop. For once. Stop. I don't want to grow anymore right now. I need a break.
I feel like the world is closing in on me and I know that it won't fall on top of me and when it gets here it will only elevate me but I have a touch of claustrophobia and I can't deal with this closeness.
I'm almost twenty five years old. People tell me how young I am all the time, but 25 is almost 30 and I'm not even sure I'm on the trajectory to get where I want to be when I'm 30.
Dear whoever is in charge of all this,
Can this please be over by next March? I'm not even sure I have it in me to last through November just yet but I can't imagine what it will be like. And I know pressure makes diamonds and I know how long it takes but just...I'll settle for being something else. Or a small imperfect diamond. I'm trying really hard to live one day at a time and see the blessings in each day and think about the lilies of the field but this shit BLOWS.