While I was at work on Friday night, an ooooold friend came into my store. He is the ex-boyfriend of my best friend. They dated when we were maybe 15. I hadn't seen him since then, and he looked great. He quit smoking and looked 180 degrees different. [Yes, he was quite the smoker at age 15. Cigarettes and weed. And kept his Henny in a Pepsi bottle in the cupholder of his Jeep.]
He gave me his number to pass on to my friend. I gave her the number yesterday. A few hours later I called her mother and said I was coming over. As soon as I hung up the phone, she was calling me to ask me to come get her. Why?
Her son's father had just come to pick her up, but she sent him home. Her mother found out she was talking to her ex and invited him over. Well of course she had to stay and see him, right? Of course. No problem, because I was already on my way.
I got to the house a few minutes before ex-boyfriend. We all sat up playing dominoes and talking shit until about 1am. Ex-boyfriend was headed in the direction of her house, which is the opposite direction of my house. So why the hell couldn't he take her home?
Because she couldn't risk her baby's father seeing her getting out of the car with this ex.
He had seen him once and she mentioned "Oh there's so and so." I guess she didn't lie when he asked who the guy was. Good. Don't lie. Lying is stupid.
But you dated this boy when you were FIFTEEN. We are now TWENTY-FOUR. Yes it was a deep and intense relationship, but they ALL are when you're fifteen and a sophomore in high school. Why the fuck would he be mad that you got a ride home from him? Oh. Because he's an insecure ass so-and-so who doesn't trust you.
Of course she hit me with the "Well I wouldn't want him hanging out with an ex either." Girl. Girl. It was high school. The shit no longer counts. If you're with him now, why does it matter that you ran into someone you dated nine years ago and caught a ride home? It doesn't, and it shouldn't, and if your man has a problem with you speaking to a friend from high school, he's a bitch and you need to leave his ass alone ASAP.
She tried to defend his insecurity by saying "Well I have cheated on him before so I understand."
NO. FUCK THAT.
We are now adults.
If your "man" doesn't trust you to speak to another man (whether you cheated or not), y'all need to not be together. For real. Because you're wasting each other's time. If you don't trust him to speak to another woman, stay single until you get some security in your relationship.
I'll be doggoned if my partner is going to dictate my friendships to me. And if he thinks he is, he is not my partner.
A lot of women will tell you that they don't have female friends, although as I get older I think I hear that a bit less. However, I have not had more than five female friends at once ever in my life. I have always been drawn to men. That being said, I had these male friends when I met you. For a long time. And I'm not going to stop just because you feel some type of way. That's your problem.
The moral of this story:
If you do not trust each other, leave each other alone.
And if you think you want to cheat on your partner, leave them. You obviously don't love that person enough to keep your pants on and walk away from the situation. Your love for that person should override your momentary sexual desire. The math is simple. "I love my partner. I don't want to lose them. If I do this, I could lose them. Let me not."
But if you go through all those steps and STILL can step out, you need to stay single.
She said to me "But that may be someone you really could see yourself with!"
To which I replied, "Then you need to put shit on the table out gate. 'I like you. I want to be with you. However, I like to fuck a variety of people. I think we could be great together and I would like to keep you around, but it is unfair for me to make you be in a relationship while I still play single. That being said, let's keep each other company and fuck other people until we both can agree that we want to settle down.'"
Shit is simple. It gets complicated when grown ass people start to act like kids with the games and shit.
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.