I took a vacation last month. As I was reading some previous blogs I came across the one in which I spoke of it. Reminded me that I have not blogged since.
Today is Monday, the day after Sunday. Two Mondays have passed since the last time I felt you near me. Every Tuesday and Wednesday and other day since then have left me physically feeling like something is missing. Like the day you forget to wear your watch. I think that maybe 7 days was too long. I got attached. But really, I'm not sure I don't like it.
I'm actually not sure of anything right now. Everything is open. Everything is "maybe". And I hate maybe. Perhaps, on this Monday, I am being taught to wait. To be patient. To breathe and be present, even if I am not where I want to be. I must still be here.
But regardless of it all, I had a beautiful time with a beautiful person. I was loved on and attended to in a way that is new to me. And as I sit here writing this, on a Monday afternoon, Crown Royal begins to play. If there is one song I have become quite fond of in these weeks that have passed, it's that one. I've also developed a deep attachment to The Foreign Exchange. I loved them before I left, but now they have become ingrained in the memories of that time. If we had a soundtrack, it would be Jill Scott's third album and all of FE's.
The stomach ache has returned, although I hardly felt it when I was with you. The heart palpitations and short breathing stopped, too. I took seven days to unwind. To be cute and get comfortable in the [not Milwaukee] sun. Fell in love that week. Can't focus on being here because I want to get back there. It's warmer. Even the sun seemed happier to be shining.
I was thinking that maybe I would go and I would find out that everything I thought I was wanting was completely wrong. But I was proved right. His hands felt like I knew they would. His kiss was just as wonderful. His voice was twice as soothing when being whispered into my ear. He smells like all sorts of wonderment. And he's sexy as hell. There are no words, really.
I was quiet because I was getting comfortable. I was settling in, I guess. And taking in all the moments, and in awe. Suddenly it was really happening. Just like it had happened in my daydreams. Thinking about it now, it still blows me away that that happened. One of those things you really can never explain, I guess. And if you can, it doesn't seem like it should be such a big deal. But feelings and words are not interchangeable.