I Wrote A Sestina.

I didn't want blue font today.

Anyway, I wrote a sestina. I love it.
It gave me yet another outlet for these bottled up feelings.
I could be completely honest with myself and with him about the whole thing, and when he asks me I can act like I don't know what he's talking about. It could have been anyone, right?
Could have been anyone.
And with that, I give you "A Chance With Love."

Every day I wake up and I want
to be in love.
I’ve spent so many years harboring hurt
though, that I’m deathly afraid to take this chance.
I find myself tearing
up at the realization of this nagging necessity.

The last time I thought I found love
it turned out to be the part of me that’s the neediest
rearing her ugly head. She was hurt
too when my life of wants
went unanswered. It was only chance
that she made me shed a tear.

After all these years, I’ve let the pain
create for me a personality. I would love
to be wanted.
But chances
taken in my past life made the idea of need
a very subjective thing.

You say you need
me but I don’t think I want
to be needed right now. My heart
can’t take any more chances.
Please don’t take it personal, love.
It’s not personal. I’m just fresh out of tears.

I’ve been torn
in these directions for a while. My fear of love
stems from my fear of drowning and the chance
that you won’t catch me if I fall. I just want
to be the one you need
but I know I’m inept at this and I couldn’t stand for you to be hurt.

Maybe we should just take this chance
together. We could dry each others’ tears
and put band-aids where it hurts.
If I’m to be honest with myself I must admit that I need
to be loved
by you. But my stubborn mind doesn’t want to.

For this chance at love,
I would sacrifice my wants for what I know I need.
Maybe even let you heal me where it hurts, and fix the tears in my heart.

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